Just One Of Those Days
by clipsees
Summary: In one universe, Angra Mainyu's twisted desires are released from the grail, flooding the earth and sky with an eternally corrupt taint, destroying civilization and ending life as we know it. In this universe, Lancer's a pretty good fisher.
1. (Un)lucky Charms

There are not a lot of things that Shirou Emiya hates. Arrogance. Threatening innocent individuals. Murder in general, and of course, bad cooking.

CLANG!

The bloody tendril sliced through the air, parried at the last second by throwing one his trusted blades, Bakuya, at the menacing vine, only losing the ends of his hair. As the red strands glided downwards, and he repositioned himself, he mused that this bloodthirsty apostle hit nearly every item on that short list, save for the bad cooking.

"Oh ho! A fine show young man, perhaps instead of experimenting on your body, I will feast on your remains." The apostle began readying his organ-like tendrils, uncurling them from his back side, so as not to leave his sides open to the daylight that crept in through the shattered hole in the ceiling, he raised his head to needlessly taunt once more, an apostle custom, "Truly a target worth absorbing, if only my chocolate dwarves—URK!" Blood spew from the apostle's mouth and his bisected body.

Shirou was not quite sure how the apostle was going to finish that sentence, and he would never know. Having maneuvered the apostle into the general area where he would not be able to summon his tendrils without leaving his back open, Bakuya returned to his hand, drawn back to Kanshou. Shirou swung Bakuya through the air, flinging the blood off the blade that had just cut clean through the back of the relatively young apostle, leaving him completely severed from the middle of the rib cage down. And dead, likely again.

Like kitchen utensils, all silverware should be clean enough to eat off, err, figuratively in this case. As Shirou examined the blade for any spots of blood, he noticed something move on the ground.

Buh-bump. Buh-bump.

The apostle's heart was bouncing lightly on the ground, removed from the body and free of any connection to a blood source. How curious, not only does the apostle have a functioning heart, something he wasn't sure apostles had, literally and figuratively, but it seemed to still be beating. As a now accepted magus in the Clock Tower, he knew it would be wise to study this. This was a rare opportunity to potentially delve into an apostle's method of preserving his life, without having to experiment on himself to do so.

SHANK!

Shirou's blade stabbed smoothly through the heart, piercing the ground it laid on. Fuck apostles. And now he had to clean the blade again.

Buh-bump. Buh-bump.

Strange. The heart still beat, even though the apostle appeared as dead as Saber's tolerance for skipped meals. Deciding that it would likely be pointless to continue stabbing the heart, though he did so a couple more times anyway, with a couple different swords, he took out a plastic zip-lock bag and sealed the heart in it, noticing there were a couple seal marks on the underside of the heart. Lorelei would be pretty surprised he was returning with a "living" portion of an apostle, but he figured even she would want to see this, even if _he_ didn't always enjoy seeing her.

Making sure the apostle was dead one last time, and a couple more times after that, he left the apostle's dwelling. A castle, like usual.

* * *

"Lorelei will see you now."

As custom, the familiar vanished before he could even reply in time, leaving him awkwardly saying thank you to the air once again. One of these days he'll remember. Shirou entered the office, and Lorelei's piercing chocolate brown eyes locked onto Shirou's immediately. "The Queen" of the Clock Tower always looked good enough to make you feel underdressed, even if _you_ had invited _her_. Somewhere in her 20's, he would guess, she was strikingly beautiful. Her light brown ponytail flowed lightly as she stood up, maintaining her stare.

"Boy, I smell death upon you. And not the good kind. What are you holding behind your back and why do I feel a headache approaching?" Lorelei called him by the usual "boy" moniker she had bestowed, despite his protests.

Hmm, this was probably not a good time, but unfortunately he knew how Lorelei thought, somewhat, err—not really, but he did know he should report this as soon as possible. She would not have taken kindly to a potential apostle possession in the Clock Tower, especially on him. Moving his hand to the front of his body, he saw her eyes light up, staring at the item in his hands in what seemed to be confusion.

"I know you have a bleeding heart, literally here, but we kill apostles not save them."

Not confusion, then. Probably anger. Rin was right, he couldn't read women at all. Maybe this was part of why he was always in such precarious situations that happened to involve a lot of powerful and dangerous women.

Lorelei continued glaring at him, and not for the first time did she think that Shirou had an abnormal lack of awareness, no doubt lost in his thoughts once again. Realizing he had been just staring off into space for a little bit, and thinking he must look like an idiot, he cleared his throat and began his brief explanation, "After I killed the apostle, I found this heart on the ground by the body. I tried stabbing it with a couple different swords, and I couldn't stop it from beating. It might be immortal."

Lorelei looked at the heart, then back up at Shirou, walking towards him. Shirou never ceased to feel some apprehension whenever Lorelei approached him. Despite having been working with her, or rather for her, for almost a year now, she was never without the feeling of a killing intent for very long. Or some other feeling that got him anxious whenever she was around, he couldn't read it well. Shirou just couldn't help but feel nervous. There was no chance he was bringing that up though, there was a better chance of him finishing a bowl of Taishan's mapo tofu.

Lorelei took the bag off his hands and took the heart out of the zip-lock. It stopped beating, seemingly frozen in time. After a quick moment of examination Lorelei shifted her gaze back to Shirou. "This is not the apostle's heart." Wait what? He was confused and knew he probably should give a more detailed explanation of how he found it, to elegantly clarify if she was mistaken on something.

"Wait what?" Lorelei narrowed her eyes at Shirou, and after a tense moment of staring, she broke the silence. "This heart did not belong to the apostle you killed, or at least it did not belong to the apostle's body. I know not of its origin, but I do know it's not the apostle's blood. You likely found a portion of the experiment he was working on, perhaps cut free from his clothes when you killed him. It seems to have some kind of charm effect on it, though the potency is low, likely a side-effect of whatever the apostle was working on."

Well that makes some sense, it was sort of confusing how the apostle was definitely dead, and the heart was definitely not. "So what should we do with it?" Lorelei never broke her gaze off Shirou, seemingly intent on boring holes through his eyes with willpower alone.

"It does not beat when I hold it, boy, the heart was active in your possession. See here?" She pressed her hands together with Shirou's holding the heart in between, stepping closer to do so. "It beats once more. The heart is reacting to you, because you took possession of it after disposing of its previous owner. I know the manner in which this type of bonding can take place, and it is likely it is bound to you in that fashion, through the use of those markings on the heart." Uncomfortable with the way she was still staring at him while being so close to his face, he tried edging away from her, only to have her edge closer keeping their hands together on the heart. He continued backing up, and her moving forward until he hit the door behind him.

"Is there something we can do?" He asked again, trying hard not to stutter. Another moment of silence and staring. Sighing, Lorelei released his hands and turned to her side, walking towards her bookshelf, he nearly dropped the heart out of surprise when she let go, his side now facing the door. When she reached the shelves she trifled through them until she found a large and cumbersome looking book. She blew off the dust which left a visible cloud in the air, wiped it once over with her hand, before she threw it at him. He barely caught it in time after adjusting the heart into the other hand.

"Open that to page 54, paragraph 7, sentence 8. I recognized the seals on the heart, this should allow you to transfer possession of the heart over to me. Be careful after uttering that expression, the heart should be weak without an owner and will need to be transferred over immediately. This abomination should be disposed of properly, and I know of just the way" Lorelei explained, once again resuming her deadly stare. "Because of your ineptitude at magecraft, boy, you did not notice the drain it's exhibiting on your OD to preserve its life. You will need to read page 56, paragraph 2, first line, in order to transfer ownership to me, at which point I should be able to keep it beating, and remove the charm from the heart before destroying it."

Shirou struggled to flip the pages of the book with one hand while holding the heart with the other. Lorelei continued staring, with what seemed to be a hint of a smile. Of course, Shirou wouldn't confirm this, even if he could, commenting on it might be as close to suicide as he could get. And he was definitely not unfamiliar with suicidal actions.

Finally finding the page, Shirou said, "Err, okay, I found it. **Al'iifraj ean sihr muaqqat!** " Immediately the heart began dripping blood, the rhythmic pumping and beating of the organ stopped, the heart lay limp in his hands. "Good, now flip to page—"

SPLAT!

The heart exploded. Smashed against the door and the blood and pieces splattered on Shirou. The book dropped on the ground. "Your highness, we have… Oh my." The young woman who stood next to the door only had half her body through the doorway, her mouth wide open and her eyes even more. "I'm so sorry, I just, um… goodbye." The woman stared openly at Shirou, her gaze lingering for longer than he felt comfortable before she shut the door and Shirou heard her footsteps, as she scampered down the hallway. Lorelei sighed and planted her face in her palm. Of course this would happen to Shirou.

Glancing back up at him, Lorelei noted he looked utterly clueless. Shirou tried wiping the blood off his shirt with the hands that were filled with blood, only managing to smear the blood around. Eventually Lorelei cleared her throat and said, "Boy, as entertaining as this is, you should go clean yourself off properly. I sense little magical aura or foul-play anymore, save for the slight charm effect and the blood everywhere. As unsafe as that was, the heart is dead. The charm however, will stay on you for an indeterminable time. I would not suggest trying to remove it, now that it is not attached to the heart, it may have complicated nuances that I'm not sure of. Apostles tend to dabble recklessly in their madness. Normally I would suggest you try to avoid other women, but in your circumstances, there's not much that can be done." Lorelei began made a shooing motion, and looked over to the corner of her office, before animating a couple of broomsticks around there, which began cleaning the blood. "I have work to do, and your troubles, though amusing as they might be, are not part of my plans." As Shirou was about to turn around and walk out the door, Lorelei turned back to him, this time with a softer gaze and a softer voice, she said "Good luck, Shirou."

Before he could even make an expression, Lorelei turned back around to her bookshelf, picking up the book left on the ground. Even though the apostle hunt was finished, Shirou had a feeling the real struggle was just beginning.

* * *

Author's Note: First time writing! This fic is just a series of drabbles, mostly unrelated stories, but I want to try to have some continuity.


	2. (Un)lucky Charms II

"Shirou, sometimes I'm not sure whether you're an idiot with amazingly good luck, or an idiot with horrendously bad luck."

Shirou struggled to maintain his voice and not let it break as he said "Rin, if we could have this conversation after—"

"I mean honestly, Shirou. An attraction charm? In a heart? That you just happened to find, which just happened to break on you because you were just in the wrong, or right, spot at the door? And this just happened to come from a dead apostle, who just happened to have it on his body when you were sent after him? Some men would literally kill for this opportunity, why I'm sure—"

"Rin, I-I'm trying to—"Shirou stuttered out, in the middle of another of Rin's lectures.

"—with several different colored jewels, and that was just for a taste! And here you are with an attraction charm just soaked in to your body by accident. You're real lucky it's just me here, and I have such good control over my person. If Sakura was here—"

"Yes yes, I understand. But if you don't mind—"He tried again to get through to Rin.

"—and then the whole city would be talking about it for _weeks_. Sakura's like that. But of course, I can take care of this myself, with all control you would expect from me. I just need a couple hours alone with you and I will remove the charm in no time. Charms really just—"

"Tohsaka! I'm trying to take a shower, I need to clean off the blood! Please leave the bathroom!" Shirou couldn't even see Rin through the fogged up glass or the steam in the air, but he heard the door close and calmed down. He had actually feared Rin might try to enter the shower, she had been acting a little more pushy than usual, but Shirou supposed that Rin might have just been worrying in her own way. It was sort of cute how even after all this time together, she still had problems expressing herself, but really to him, that was just part of the charm.

Poor choice of words, Shirou thought to himself, as he laid his head back against the tiles of the shower stall. He was planning on scrubbing himself very thoroughly to ensure that the blood had completely left him, but was starting to have second thoughts.

That was the second time Rin had interrupted him, perhaps he should make this quick. It's not as though he didn't like, err, _being_ with Rin, but in her potential state of mind, it didn't feel right to him. Even though their busy lives kept them from spending as much time together as they probably would like, and they both had skirted around the issue of whether they were even dating or not, Shirou did enjoy the moments of peace they had, such as they were. Shirou reached around for the soap bar, and began scrubbing his arms.

Maybe it would even be best if he just rented a hotel room for the night. That should create the necessary distance for the charm's effect to wear off, though he wasn't entirely sure of how it worked. Considering he wasn't being swamped by admirers, it must at least partially be based on how near to Shirou they were, and likely how recently it happened as well.

"There's probably some kind of temporal and spatial aspect to the charm," He thought out loud. Rin's teaching of more proper terms for describing the characteristics of magecraft had been paying off. Though she would probably take full credit for it, he was proud of himself for having actually been able to follow some of the conceptual discussions without needing someone else to break it down for him multiple times.

"I see my teaching has been paying off. _Very_ good Shirou. Maybe it's time we have another lesson."

"Wuh-wuh-wuh how-when, what?" Shirou squeaked out. Rin had an amused smirk on her face, and one of her hands on her hips, with the other trying to hide her devious looking smile. She had let her hair down, and it clung to her body as the water droplets glided slowly down her shapely—

Shirou raced out of the bathroom, grabbing a towel off the rack as he locked himself in his room. He scrambled about the room, but couldn't find any of his usual clothes, no matter where he searched, and in fact, even the blood-soaked ones were missing. How very peculiar. However, he knew there should be one set of clothes that were still there. He laid down flat on the ground, and reached under his bed, pulling out his winter jacket, jeans, and boots, from behind Saber's stuffed lion, where he had stored the clothes when spring came. As quickly as he could possibly do, he dressed himself, before racing towards the front entrance. All he needed to do was—

BONK!

What the hell? Shirou got off his rear and rubbed his slightly red forehead. He reached his hand out to the front entrance, only to find an invisible barrier. A bounded field of some kind, this was what he had run into. Obviously, there was only one person who could and would do this. Well, no. There were a lot of people that had the ability and desire to lock him in his apartment using magecraft, for various reasons, some of them not far off from what's currently happening. In fact, Rin might just end up doing this later without the charm effects.

"Shirou, I see you found some of your clothes." Shirou turned around and saw Rin clad in only a towel, her hair dripping wet. Rin looked… disappointed. That was never a good sign, even more so today. Actually, this was probably not even cracking the top 10 most dangerous moments in which Rin looked disappointed. A list of 10 doesn't even cover these last two months, Shirou thought to himself. Snapping his attention back to Rin, he hadn't even noticed that she had stepped right up to him, looking up at him as she felt around his chest.

He tried to put some distance between the two but only ended up squished against the barrier. "Rin, listen. You're not in right mindset. You need to step back and think calmly about this situation. Especially that step back part."

"Oh. You're right, Shirou. I do feel light-headed after all. Can you help me to the bedroom? I need to lie down for a moment." She began tugging at his jacket, all the while maintaining eye contact, batting her eyelashes in what he supposed would be her attempt at a flirtatious signal. Really, it came off as her twitching her eyes, Rin was not very good at subtle. But that only made a more dangerous situation, lowering his guard as she tried to slide her hands around his body. He knew just how to handle this, the perfect plan.

"Sure Rin, let me just—" Shirou reinforced his body, burst towards the bedroom, pushing Rin to the ground, and knocking over the couch on the way. He locked the door, traced several E-Ranked noble phantasms in a number of crisscrossing patterns over the doorway, before promptly panicking. Rin knocked on the door softly. Then heavier, and heavier, and heavier. It became a war drum beating before it stopped abruptly. The silence lingered in the air, he felt relief and worry at the same time. Maybe she had calmed down, he still wasn't sure of the charm's strength after all.

"Gandr Shoot!" The sounds of wood cracking filled the apartment, images of the door splintering into fragments filled his head. He couldn't actually see the door, as the noble phantasms littered the entrance. He mentally patted himself on the back for that one.

Rin yelled from behind the weapons, "Shirou! If you don't let me in this instant, I will destroy every single kitchen appliance we have, one by one." A necessary sacrifice to buy him time, Shirou thought as he wiped away the tears forming at the corners of his eyes. But he could do without them, it was Saber who would be even less pleased when she returned. Realizing that, the situation cracked top-10 in danger. He could no longer wait it out in here. He couldn't even be here anymore. He needed to think quickly. Rin always makes mistakes, it's a given. There's got to be some way out. He looked around the room and stuck his hand out towards the window pane. He could touch it, there was no barrier! He broke the window with his bare reinforced hands in excitement, creating cuts along his fists. He reached his hand out only to meet the invisible wall once more. Stupid. The barrier was just on the other side of the window pane. Of course it wouldn't be that easy.

The sounds of metal and electronics grinding together halted his thoughts.

"Shirou, the blender is broken! And the microwave! That was just the start! Don't make me do this!" How in the world did she… the blender and microwave? No time to think about it. Maybe if he broke through the ceiling and went into the room above, he could escape through using the tenant's apartment above him? No, never again. She never forgave him for the ice cream thing, and he didn't doubt her sister did either. She would turn him over in a heartbeat, assuming she wasn't affected by the charm.

WRRZZZZTTT!

The sounds of crushing and whirring steel made him think he had activated his marble reality. Water crept under the doorway, and his boots were making slushing sounds on the carpet. The floor was soaked. What in the world was Rin doing now? As if reading his mind, she yelled while the sounds of steel persisted, "I don't think the dishwasher was made for the sink!"

This was bad. And not just missing `Illya's birthday bad', but Shirou would go so far as to say it was like `Lancer's luck on an average day' bad. Lorelei hadn't acted like this. Lorelei had been calm, and only slightly more touchy, even if she did call him by his name, something pretty rare. But Lorelei was practically a magician, it would make sense she was more immune to a charm, even one created by a dead apostle's lifelong research. He shuddered to think about what may happen _when_ , or at this rate _if_ , he ended up outside and having to deal with regular people. Rin was a genius, and she was going crazy.

The sounds stopped. The carpet was still soaked, but the metal grinding ceased. Shirou was tempted to move some of his noble phantasms to peak through and find out what Rin was doing, but decided to wait a moment, lest it be some kind of trap, which he wouldn't put past Rin. He stared at the clock on the wall, watching the second hand slowly tick around the numbers, counting the time. 1 minute. 2 minutes. 3 minutes. 4 minutes. Nothing. 5 minutes. 6 minutes. 7 minutes. Still nothing.

He gave in and peaked through a crack in the weapons he made. Rin was nowhere in sight. "Rin? You there? Are you okay now?" No response. Just the sounds of water spraying from the headless sink, the faucet was also nowhere in sight. Shirou slowly removed the noble phantasms, trying not to make a sound. Eventually he had created a hole in the makeshift wall large enough for him to squeeze his way out of. He peaked his head out, looking in every direction and just like before, he saw nothing. He decided Rin had either passed out somewhere out of sight, or had left. He crept out slowly still, as a precaution for it being a setup. The sounds of the carpet and his boots slushing ruined any attempt at silence, but he continued walking towards the doorway slowly anyway, carefully avoiding the wood that lay scattered throughout the apartment, and the wiring and pieces of metal embedded in the carpet and walls. He reached his hand out to the doorway and met no resistance, his hand went straight past where the bounded field had been. Rin was truly gone. Not quite sure how this happened, he silently praised this stroke of luck from the gods. He left the apartment room, walked down the stairs and out of the complex. He couldn't quite shake the feeling that he was missing something, but then again, he figured, he was usually missing something.


	3. A Friendly Game

"Oh ho ho ho! Do you r-recognize your superiors now Tohsaka?" Luvia belted from the top of her voice, or at least she had attempted too, though it lost some effect as her voice audibly cracked. Shirou sighed and moved his bishop, taking another of the opponent's pieces. He felt like a record player, repeating the same actions once more, only to hear the same expressions again. He would have thought he had been stuck in another one of Zelretch's god-forsaken time "experiments" if not, partially, for the women in front and to the side of him. Though, if not for those same women, he wouldn't have been doubting his reality in the first place.

Throughout the first half of the day, he could see Rin's face had been glowing redder and redder by the game, before becoming a softer pale hue as the latter half of the day elapsed. The vein on her forehead pulsing stronger at the beginning, before it began to die out as time passed. At some point her fist had clenched together and shook with enough force to visibly displace the air around the board, now she could barely hold it tight. But her hair and eyes never toned down, only becoming increasingly intense. Her dark locks frazzled more with each game, and her vibrant turquoise eyes flashed, the glare told you there would be no survivors. Only her attitude and determination matched those shining orbs.

She really was way too attractive, he thought, even when he feared for his life. Hmm, Shirou felt that there was something about that line of thinking which he should probably pursue, perhaps the answers to some deep-rooted personality and lifestyle choices.

WHAM!

Rin slammed her rook down on the square, before he could go down that path. Normally Rin would have broken the board, and possibly more, as well as scattered the pieces with that kind of movement. That is, had it not been for Shirou discretely reinforcing the board and pieces beforehand, to be safe. He also reinforced the table, along with the chairs, walls, ceiling, windows, and floor, again, to be safe. Often when Luvia Edelfelt and Rin Tohsaka were in the same lecture, or room, or building, or courtyard, or general vicinity, trouble followed. If it hadn't been for certain _forces_ in the Clock Tower, they would have been expelled long ago.

"Truly a country bumpkin such as yourself had no business competing in a sophisticated game of strategy like this. A battle of wits between us was hardly a battle at all!" The sound of grinding teeth shook Shirou out of his thoughts, and he thoughtlessly moved another piece, taking out Rin's queen in the process. Rin's mouth dropped, she grabbed her head and violently ran her hands through her hair again. More frazzled. She stared back at the board, seemingly racking her brain for the next move. Shirou almost felt sorry for her, but he remembered this was half her fault anyway.

She was losing the game of chess, and it wasn't even really close. Shirou felt that there was little doubt Rin was the smarter of the two of them, in many ways, but unfortunately, chess was a game played with two people, and Rin had not had many friends to play with. Shirou, however, had plenty, and had been playing chess for quite some time, even before coming to England. Not only that, but Rin was infuriated, when she was normally able to remain cool under pressure, think rationally and coldly. Something about Luvia always seemed to inflame the girl, filling her with a burning passion. It often went both ways, today was no exception.

Under normal circumstances, Luvia and Rin would likely end up trading wins, losses, and draws. They were nearly equally smart, intelligent, prone to violence around one another, and bad at chess. Luvia placed her arms around Shirou, and her cheek pressed up against his, she faced Rin and said "Oh, is my little servant proving to be too much of a match for you, Tohsaka? Maybe you should just surrender now, as you were always meant too."

Shirou tried to squirm away, but Luvia held tight. Her perfume was not as strong as when they started the day, however the aroma was still flowery, and he caught himself trying to subtly smell it. He faced away abruptly, hoping she hadn't noticed. He turned back to her and saw her slightly pink face, as she stared down his eyes. Rin audibly shook and he looked away from Luvia, who took a step back from Shirou. Luvia looked back at him, then the board, then him again, then the board once more.

Worst. Bet. Ever. Never again would he rely on chance to beat the King of Heroes, A-rank luck is no joke. And all those chickens, with all that concrete. When did Sakura even learn to drive a motorcycle? He shuddered to think of how much work the Clock Tower had to do just to keep the peace due to his rag-tag group of… friends. Regardless, a lost bet is a lost bet, and he was dealing with the consequences. Luvia was thoroughly enjoying her time with Shirou as her servant. Well, he wasn't actually sure that was true. She looked just as frustrated and worn down as Rin, despite not actually playing the game.

Rin tentatively put a piece down, before taking it back, then putting it down again, before taking it back. Then she placed it down roughly, left her hand on it for a moment, and then tore it off the board back to her chest. He sighed again. It didn't really matter, she only had two pawns and her King left, and she had only taken his two knights, and one pawn. The game was over, but still Rin tried, the conviction to win raged in her, despite the hopeless position she was in. He thought back to how this situation even started.

That morning, dressed up as a butler with his fiery red hair left uncombed, as Luvia had requested for some odd reason, he went to her apartment to start the day. He walked up to her apartment door, and just as he was about to knock on the entrance, she burst out of it. She had apparently been waiting behind the door for him. Never stopping for even a moment, she grabbed his arm and pulled him along. As she went towards the stairs, she yelled out "We're going to see Tohsaka." That was that.

And now he was here. Luvia against Rin in a chess game. Actually, Luvia wasn't playing, _he_ was playing a chess game for Luvia against Rin, because Luvia had goaded Rin into the match, and Luvia had chosen him as her "champion" to fight for her. Rin, to no surprise, protested, but Luvia had implied Rin was just afraid of challenging her servant. Luvia had claimed if Rin couldn't even beat someone as dumb as Shirou, then Rin definitely couldn't beat Luvia. In a rare moment of mutual agreement, Rin had sided with, what he felt, was a faulty argument, somewhat to his dismay.

Luvia, he believed, had honestly only meant to play one game, but Rin was ever competitive and challenged him again after the loss. And again. And again. And again. He had lost count a while ago, he wasn't sure how many games back he had lost count, nor if he was even properly keeping track of how many games had passed in the first place.

At first, the games had been moving quickly, Rin was trying to make a point of the whole thing not being a tough match for her, failing miserably as she lost every time. Over the course of the day, she had forgotten that, and began growing increasingly frustrated and hesitant with every move, before mellowing out as the exhaustion caught up with her. The exhaustion evident on her entire person.

Rin's hair stuck out in a number of angles, her face seemingly pale and red at the same time, her shoulders slumped and her back hunched over. She looked tired, hungry, and desperate, but still she challenged. Luvia, being just as competitive, accepted the challenge time after time. The look on Luvia's face and body posture told the world that she was more triumphant than all the conquerors of ages past, despite not actually doing anything herself. However, that was at the beginning, now Luvia looked as beat-down as Rin.

He propped his elbow on the table, and rested his chin in his hand as Rin continually went back and forth placing one of her three pieces on the board, and then moving it back. Shirou looked back at the list of activities that laid on the ground, Luvia's now tragically ignored list didn't actually sound that bad, Shirou thought, as he began reading through it. Especially compared to what happened so far.

First: "tease the peasant girl and use Shirou to beat the red whore."  
Second: "Walk around the beach."  
Third: "Café Blue."  
Fourth: "Aquarium."  
Fifth: "Rub it in the poor one's face once more." Note: Pick up picnic basket in the apartment while there.  
Sixth, "Enjoy the night at the park."  
The seventh had a line drawn through it, but he could read parts of it, Seventh: "Make-o~~ w~~h Sh~ro~."  
Eighth: "Fall asleep while Shirou holds my hand."

She had basically planned a day out on the town, and then a night under the stars. Just some friendly fun out, he thought, something similar to what Ayako had asked him to do, and Issei had often strangely warned him to be careful about. He would have gone with Luvia had she just asked him, girls can be so dense sometimes. Shirou sagely nodded his head after that one.

SLAM!

Rin placed her piece on the board and took her hand off the piece completely. She looked pleased with the movement, finally. He casually moved his queen in position. "Checkmate." Shirou deadpanned. "ERRRK, I-I-I…" Rin was at a loss for words, she stumbled over them and looked utterly lost how the outcome could possibly happen. At this point, he wasn't even sure why she was surprised. They've been going at it all day, and she only got worse and worse as time went by. Somehow, she seemed more and more surprised with every loss though.

"Rematch! I d-demand a rematch!" Rin shakily stood up and retrieved her pieces from Shirou's side of the table, before even waiting for Luvia's response. Luvia, of course, accepted the challenge with just as much false gusto, waving her hand in the air and muttering something about superiority.

Enough was enough, Shirou decided, they could barely stand. "Rin, no more. You need to eat, and rest. You look exhausted and dying, I've seen Fuyuki Church's followers in a healthier state after a lunch with Kotomine."

He turned towards Luvia, "I'm not sure how it's even possible, but you look even worse." They both motioned to refute him, but he started speaking again before they could say anything, "Your stomachs have been grumbling for at least a couple hours, and I believe it's like an hour before the end of the day."

They both looked at their stomachs, at each other, then away sheepishly, simultaneously realizing they had let their rivalry get out of control once again. Maybe he had exaggerated a little bit, they were always stunningly beautiful, and Shirou would be the first to say that, blunt as he is, but they needed a break. Embarrassingly, they avoided any eye contact, they were finding their feet the most interesting thing in the room. Adorably cute.

Amazing how two of the most intelligent people he knew, combined to create the most obnoxiously brain-killing fights since Berserker got into that wrestling rivalry with Zelretch. Rin cleared her throat, then said "Well, _Edelfelt_ , we will have to settle this at another time." She weakly held out her hand in a sign of temporary solitude. "But of course, _Tohsaka_. I await the real challenge." Rin's eyebrow twitched, but she kept her hand out, Luvia grasped it, they shook, and then let go. Huh, maybe reinforcing the entire room, and most of the building, wasn't necessary after all, he thought. Shirou sighed in relief. He softly chuckled, that sort of sounded like a death flag or some kind of ominous—

"While we would love to stay and chat, _Tohsaka_ , Shirou and I really must make use of our remaining time." Luvia began walking out of the room, not even bothering to see if Shirou would follow. He looked back at Rin.

Oh no, Rin had her hands on her hips. "What are you going to do alongside Shirou with an hour left at 11:00 p.m.?"

Luvia turned back around, a devilish smile on adorned her face, her eyes threw daggers at Rin. Rin menacingly approached Luvia, who didn't even budge from her spot, nor shift her gaze in the slightest. Images of tigers sizing one another up filled Shirou's head. He quickly jumped in between them, his hands pushing them back. "That's between _my servant_ and I, Tohsaka. Unless you want to take up my maid offer, then you have no more business with Shirou. I still have plenty of business with him, as a matter of fact, I have about an hour's worth. Come Shirou." Luvia hadn't even looked at him, or turned around and didn't seem fazed in the slightest that he got in the middle of them. They both didn't seem to even realize he was there. Or so he thought.

Rin suddenly grabbed Shirou's shirt, before he could respond to Luvia, and pulled him down to the table, to her chair this time. He tried to get up and in between them again, but Rin firmly shoved him down once more, and kept her hand on his shoulder, squeezing him tightly. She never took her eyes off Luvia. "Edelfelt, are you perhaps trying to escape our little challenge?" Wait a second. He knew those words.

"Why, if I didn't know any better, I would say you're acting _afraid_ ," Rin continued. Those words, that tone, they were on the tip of his tongue, he racked his brain, and the feeling that this was crucially important wouldn't leave him.

"Of course not, _Tohsaka_ , I just didn't want to embarrass you any further." That type of response, it was so close to what he knew. He just needed to dig a little bit deeper. But he was so starved and fatigued, their purpose eluded him.

"Why don't you prove it then? You and me, a game of checkers."

"How quaint, checkers. Obviously even in such a simple game, my superior strategical mind will avail. I accept your challenge."

Rin's face lit up. Her facial expression screamed victory, her body screamed feed me. "Of course, your superior strategical mind should have no problem defeating someone as simple as my dim-witted _boyfriend_ , I imagine given a large enough sample of games you would emerge as the better player. Would you agree?" Rin knew she had won, hook-line and sinker, a magus and noble's pride would not be stepped on.

"Yes, that does make sense. I would not expect Shirou to be much of a challenge for me. Obviously he will win _some_ games, luck playing some part, but I should come out victorious overall, given enough games." Luvia hesitantly answered, her response no longer as sure as it had been before. The seemingly self-echoing pride tentatively gone. Shirou knew now what was going to happen next. He wouldn't let it, not again.

"Well then, how about you put that to the test? My _boyfriend_ against you. If you can defeat him, which surely you will, then I will play you for the real game."

"Oh ho ho! I accept your challenge _Tohsaka_! Retrieve the board, Shi—"

"Rin, I was not the one who destroyed Saber's teddy bear on accident and stuffed it in your closet. That was Luvia." Rin turned towards Luvia, her hand no longer on Shirou's shoulder, her face ablaze with anger, her body still crying for relief. "You! Do you know how hard I had to…" Shirou tuned out the rest of the conversation. He tried nonchalantly ducking out of the room, slowly edging along the walls, quietly whistling to himself, before he reached the door, where he picked up his emergency backpack.

Shirou turned back towards them one more time, Luvia was yelling something at the top of her lungs, Rin was right up her face answering straight back, their noses touched. Shirou realized something, this could get pretty ugly. Uglier than Kojirou Sasaki's Valentine 's Day with the temple entrance. He had to keep them safe, he couldn't just let this happen, even if it was far easier to just walk away. He knew what he had to do, to not only keep the residents of the apartment safe, but the rest of the city safe as well.

He closed the door, and reinforced that as well. He was trying to be a true hero, after all.

Shirou took his cellphone out of his pocket, walked down the stairs, and out of the apartment complex. A blaze of heat erupted from behind him, crashing and explosions, shrill high-pitched voices screamed as they echoed throughout the neighborhood. Flocks of birds dashed through the sky, their shrieks only adding to the noise. Power lines shook above the streets, and a couple light posts went dark. Shirou was calm as dead water. Still whistling, he pulled out a notepad from his backpack, and crossed out the name of his current apartment complex. He looked up the address of the apartment below it and made a note to check it out tomorrow.

Apartment hunting was practically routine by now.

* * *

Authors Note: If anyone has any feedback or suggestions, please let me know, PMs/Reviews anything. I'm really not sure how I'm doing, and what I'm doing wrong or right.

If you're looking for other Fanfics like this one, humor based in the Nasuverse, definitely recommend "Gilgamesh tries his Hand at," excellent fanfic, much better than my own. If anybody has any recommendations of their own, send me PMs.


	4. Snow Day

"Shirou, let me down! I will not have that, that, that— _whore_ say such a thing!" Shirou held tight around Illya's waist while she squirmed and wiggled against his chest. She tried to reach the ground and push off him, but she obviously never touched down.

"Does the little _homunculus_ _girl_ think she has even the smallest chance at pursuing her _brother_ with that childlike appearance?" Rin covered her mouth, hiding her mischievous smirk.

Sakura sat on the bench nearby, watching with a soft smile the antics going on. The snow peacefully drifted down around them. She pulled her scarf a little closer to her face, and then extended her arms and hands out to her left side. Berserker sat on the ground to her left, his heavy breathing creating a warm pocket of air. The bench sat at the foot of a hill, in the middle of a large park, where everyone had gathered to make snowmen.

"Berserke—"Shirou quickly brought his hand over Illya's mouth. She wrestled back and forth like an overactive worm, shaking her head and body in every direction, Shirou attempted to keep her mouth covered, not having much trouble doing so. Eventually the struggle subsisted, Illya pouted. Shirou removed his hand, and put her back down.

Shirou sighed, and placed his hand on top of Illya's head, ruffling her hair. "Honestly Illya, all she did was call you cute, which you are. I'm not sure why you're so upset." Shirou hadn't realized Rin was implying that Shirou only thought Illya was cute, and nothing more. Which was true, only Illya chose not to believe this.

"Oh Shirou," Illya giggled and gently smiled up at Shirou, "I hope you always stay this likeably dumb."

* * *

Issei Ryuudou watched one of his closest friends deal with his unintentional harem, which only Shirou himself was oblivious to. Issei sighed, Shirou was a good man, a good person, one of the best, but he was hopelessly corrupted. The temptations of women, and whatever else they were, had completely taken his friend to the back of the shed and had their way with him. Multiple times. The thoughts caused him to sigh again.

"You'll catch a cold breathing all that misty air, Issei." The woman next to him muttered into her scarf. Issei deadpanned, "I don't think that's how it works, Ayako. Furthermore, your own scarf will hardly protect you from such a thing, if that had any factual merit. If you truly believed that yourself, you would not be here right now."

"My, my! What a _cold_ reply!" Ayako laughed out loud.

Issei turned towards Ayako, facing away from the increasingly violent snowball fight between Saber and Berserker. He could hear Illya yelling "more", succeeding in encouraging her servant to increase his snowball making speed. Rin was yelling out "Archer," to the side.

"That was not a particularly harsh reply, Ayako. It was simply a matter of fact. You would not have told me to cover my mouth for fear of a cold if you yourself only had a scarf to shield your own mouth." He spoke with a monotone.

Ayako rubbed the back of her neck and grinned at him. "I'm sorry you're such a _cold-hearted_ guy. I was just worried about you, in my own way. After all, it's only natural for a girlfriend to feel such a way, no?" She poked him in his chest.

The certainty in her tone, it caused him to pause for a moment. As far as he knew, they were not in a relationship. "What are you talking about Ayako? You and I are in no such… romantic coupling." They had been spending copious amounts of time together over the last couple months, but it was because they were worried about their friends, at first, he thought. Finding out about the… other world can be quite shocking.

The ground shook beneath them, clouds of snow and dust sprayed in the air around them. The mist grew so thick, they could hardly see anything but each other. They coughed and coughed until they could breathe properly once more. The sounds of massive amounts of rubble flying through the air and impacting the ground exploded around them. He could hear Shirou yelling out something about "calming down" and "not the chickens," along with all the crashing.

They only stared at one another, ignoring the circumstances around them. Ayako's grin gave way to a smaller smile, she stared him straight in the eyes. "Hmm, are you perhaps being deliberately _cold_ to me, in order to continue my pun-train? This punchline is not nearly as funny."

"No, I genuinely don't understand how you came to that conclusion. I assure you, however you took the meaning of my words, the last we met, you're wrong. I didn't ask you out." He was certain of it. He couldn't possibly mix up something like that, he would surely remember it, right?

Illya's screeching could be heard in the background, tremors made waves on the snow beneath their feet. Ayako and Issei rode the wave, the shockwave, of snow without budging an inch from their spot. Illya yelled out "After her!"

Ayako opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. "Issei, I know we haven't really been very, err, touchy with one another. But I had thought that was what you wanted. To declare we aren't a couple after one night without intimacy, why that's just ridiculous." The storm of combat raged around them, debris blowing on their faces. The beginning of Archer's mantra could be heard, "I am the snow of my storm."

Issei scratched his head, removing the snow balls and chicken that landed on top. He maintained his stare with Ayako. Perhaps he should just be straight and voice his confusion. Ayako was quite intelligent, it was why he liked talking to her so much. "I'm not sure of the direction of this conversation. I didn't declare us not a couple after one night, we simply never—"Piles of snow fell on top of both of them. They dug out from underneath simultaneously, their heads and hands reaching the top of the snow. They looked at each other, then to the blue and red figure that landed next to them.

Lancer stood off to their side, his rune markings glowed throughout his body, the shine glared off the fresh snow.

"YES, YES, YES! A true battle fit for warriors! AHAHAHAHA, Berserker, come at me!" Lancer had hundreds, if not thousands, of snowballs in a towering pile on his left arm. He charged forward throwing them with precision, screaming "Gae Ball!" as he ran towards the mist where a hulking shadow lay just outside of Ayako's and Issei's vision.

"Issei, I no longer feel like dancing to this tune. Your joke is in poor taste." Ayako faced him with a deadly stare. Unlike the many women and men around them, she possessed no super-natural powers. She was not related to any magical person, nor protected by a hero of ages past. She was a good archer, but not particularly strong nor fast. Physically she was above average for a woman of her age, but realistically she was no true threat.

And yet, that stare instilled more fear in him than anything he had felt before. Caster's machinations, Assassin's sword fighting, and Souichirou Kuzuki's deadly snake stance had never caused more dread then what he felt right now. Despite the outbreak of god-like beings engaged in the world's deadliest snow ball fight that the world has even seen, occurring in every direction around them, he felt that the biggest threat to his existence was buried neck deep in the snow next to him, currently trying to rub snow off her cheeks.

"Ayako, I think there must have been some kind of… misunderstanding. Exactly when did we first start going out?" He went straight at the issue.

Ayako seemed to calm down for a moment, momentarily placated by Issei's apparent acceptance of being a couple. She stared at the sky, and he stared at her. She was watching her understanding of physics break down before her very eyes, as the snowballs lit on fire from the speed at which they were thrown across the air. He was thinking about how the snow laid on her face, the pink shine on her lips and the sheen to her eyes. She scratched the back of her neck for a moment, then turned to him grinning again. "I don't know when we started going out."

He mentally face palmed. As his arms were still buried in the snow, he couldn't actually physically commit the act. He smiled to himself and thought Ayako's response certainly sounded realistic, if they had actually been dating. She was still grinning at him before the snow around them gathered into a tornado and they were freed from their holding. They looked at each other, then the hill, then quickly took off in the same direction away from the epicenter of the growing natural disaster, or rather artificial disaster. They climbed up the hill, helping each other when one slipped. This was where the ground wasn't shaking, and they could escape the tornado's wrath.

"I will prove to Souichirou that I am the type of servant that can be 'whimsical' and 'carefree' as well!" Caster cackled maniacally, and pointed her hand out towards Saber, who stood in the distance, her armor fully donned, and Shirou clutching her waist. The tornado of snow and debris rushed off in their direction, Issei was sure he saw a car and a couple street lights in there as well.

Issei and Ayako stood on top of the hill, looking across the seemingly war-torn battlefield. Building chunks and gaping holes in the ground littered the area. He turned back to Ayako, who had an awe-inspired face on, looking around in a full 360 degree turn, as if she couldn't figure out what to watch first. She pointed at Lancer, whose head lay stuck in the ground, his body limp, while Berserker pounded on his own chest, imitating some monstrous ape, to the side of Lancer's unconscious body. Illya stood on Berserker's shoulders, and pointed towards Gilgamesh. Berserker roared, scooped up an enormous pile of snow, shaped it into a club, and charged at the Old King.

Ayako burst into laughs, and put her hand on Issei's shoulder, to help her keep balance. All this life threatening danger and she was enjoying every minute of it. Issei couldn't help but feel amused by the reckless girl. She had tears forming at the corners of her eyes from laughing so hard, and he brushed them away with his sleeves. She began to calm, and sat down on the ground, patting the snow next to her. The ground shook once more. He took a seat next to Ayako, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

Ayako's laughing stopped and she looked up at him. "I was only kidding before Issei. We never dated. I just had to see your reaction." A burst of snow swept through, coming from an angle below them, buffeting their entire faces. He pushed the snow out of his glasses, and blew a chicken feather out of his mouth. Ayako wiped her face and shook her hair. He couldn't help but stare at her doing something even so mundane as picking the feathers out of her locks.

Issei smiled at her, "Of course. I should have figured you would pull something like that. You are after all, you." She had a mischievous charm to her that he found himself enjoying over the past half year or so.

A booming battle roar could be heard as Berserker fell with his stomach flat on the ground. Illya looked panicked, and stood behind Shirou, who, with Saber, faced forward. Archer, Rin and Caster stood side by side with Shirou and Saber, all facing the same direction and their eyes focused on the same target. Sakura. She stood alone against the rest of them, while Rider flew on her Pegasus above. Shadowy vines extended from around Sakura, Lancer's body twitched, his head still stuck in the ground.

Gilgamesh was off to the side, choosing to avoid the fight with Sakura after dispatching of Berserker. Fools, he thought. That was Sakura, not Zeus, they had no chance. Surrendering was only a mercy, one that they didn't deserve. He pulled a wine glass out along with a bottle. He was above a snow ball fight with Sakura, but certainly no one was above a drink to the occasion.

Ayako smiled back at Issei. Her eyes sparkled with joy, "We sure do have a strange set of friends, don't we? What an unusual day," she said. He turned towards the carnage around them, and then back to her. "Unusual things happen to unusual people."

"Was that an insult? What a sharp tongue. I should round that out for you." She said, never missing a beat. Her smile devilish.

"And just how would you do that, when you haven't even had the guts to properly confess yet?" He shot back, with no hesitation.

She laughed out loud, this was why she liked him. He wasn't like other guys, he was better. "I see now why they call you the ice king, you always had the _chilly_ responses," she couldn't help it. His response to her statement only made it better, as he palmed his face with a small blush, causing her to laugh out loud once more. The sounds of Illya begging for mercy, while Sakura's dark tendrils shot around the sky, could be heard echoing throughout Fuyuki.

* * *

Authors Note: This one's a little fluffier then normal, but I don't think by much. Romance is not really my forte. I also wanted to try to write something from outside of Shirou's point of view, even if it was still in third-person. I don't think there's anything about Issei and Ayako canonically, but I thought them both being somewhat normal characters surrounded by wierdos made a funny pair, hopefully I got their personalities somewhat close to the original. I have plenty of ideas still about what I want to write about, a list of things actually, but if you have any suggestions let me know and I'll add it if I like it.


	5. Pre-Delivery

Awakened from a nice dream under warm covers that kept you safe from the icy winter morning might normally cause a grunt of discomfort or displeasure at having to face the chilly day. Not Gilgamesh. Such a hero is above the normal morning ritual of grunting and struggling to get out from under the sheets. He could easily rise to meet the day, he simply chose not to, often. Or rather, he used to. Not since _she_ arrived has he been able to pleasantly enjoy the morning.

"Gilgamesh, get up. The day begins now, and so will you!"

Gilgamesh grunted, a habit he regretfully picked up since Caren Hortensia arrived. The snow falls, ice grows, the mist and wind cover the air, but nothing from the weather is as naturally cold or frightening as Caren's heart, if she even had one.

"Gilgamesh, you _will_ get out of bed, or I _will_ drag you out here myself."

Gilgamesh fought back the urge to shiver. He did not shiver, as a rule, and especially not in the presence of Caren. Though there were walls and doors that separated the two, he did not doubt the witch could _sense_ the emotions and thoughts of even her King.

"Your internal monologue ends now. Out."

Gilgamesh tore out from under his blankets before the silver haired she-devil entered his room again. Though Caren continually told him to fold his sheets, he refused to do so, simply because she ordered him to. He will retain his dignity in defiance, he thought to himself, as the blankets fell off the bed from his haphazardly placement.

Gilgamesh's signature golden shine exploded around him as he opened the door to the dining room and his casual clothes were summoned and equipped simultaneously. The glitter faded as he looked up at Caren, already dressed and sipping a drink, looking at the cup in her hand, calm and composed as usual. Her peaceful demeanor masked her true personality more effortlessly than his ability to inspire the masses. Bitch.

"You will not swear in the house of god." Caren said softly with a mysteriously forceful tone. She placed her cup on the table and turned her head towards Gilgamesh with a still face and drilling stare. Seems she heard him mutter that under his breath. He faced Caren and swept his hands in the air, as if brushing her off.

"I will not limit myself to any unjust rule, one that I didn't create. I _am_ the rules, and I _will_ exercise my right to have full command over any word, place, idea or person I so please, witch." Gilgamesh exclaimed, his naturally commanding aura causing the sentence to feel overwhelmingly charismatic. A normal person wouldn't help but feel in slight awe before being able to respond.

"I see." Caren said without missing a beat. "Then how is Saber treating you?"

Touché, bitch. Caren smiled at him knowingly. He noticed it was early, earlier than is normal for Caren to start ruining his day. "Why have you called your King out at this time?" Gilgamesh said curtly, avoiding the question altogether.

"Such a tone is not appreciated, nor will it be tolerated. And no, Gilgamesh. _Your_ tolerance is not the only one that matters." Her smile dropped.

"…." Seems the witch's abilities to sense his thoughts was—

"You're just really predictable."

"…"

Caren sat still at the table, not a single movement as she stared at Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh stood straight, ramrod, and stared back at Caren. The sounds of wind blowing could be heard through the walls just outside the building. No movement inside it. A dog barked in the background. The tense silence enveloped the room, Gilgamesh's enhanced hearing could pick up the sounds of snow patting the rooftop. Caren raised her cup to take a drink, her eyes never leaving Gilgamesh as she peeked over the cup. She placed it down softly on the table.

"As fun as it is conversing with you, Gilgamesh…"

"…"

"I want you to deliver a package... No. I _need_ you to… hm… You _will_ deliver this package to the Emiya household today." Caren reached under the table and pulled out a large triple pointed brown-wrapped package. Then she reached back under the table and pulled out another package, a small and ornate looking wooden box with a golden lock on it. Then she reached under once again, coming up with a grey sack tied at the top with a rope. Sounds of moaning could be heard from inside of it.

"Here." She held a medium sized box about the length of Gilgamesh's arm, and a quarter the height and depth in front of him. Gilgamesh, a heroic spirit and demi-god, could not understand how she could continually move without his noticing, he had mused what was in the moaning sack for only a moment.

He took the box from her hands, though she seemed to be struggling to hold it without shaking, being himself, he had no trouble with such a thing.

"That one goes to Emiya directly. It's a Christmas present that I retrieved from the church. I have to deliver these ones," she motioned to the table where the oddly shaped triple-pointed package along with the other two packages sat, "to various political figures that I plan to assassinate sometime in the future." Though Gilgamesh had never caught Caren doing something like that before, she said it with such sure-handedness, as if she were commenting on the weather, that he thought it might not veer far from the truth.

Caren walked gracefully back to the table and sat down, sipping her drink again. She sat looking at him, expecting him to object.

"Why would I waste my time in delivering this for you? The faker's house is not nearby and save for Saber being there, I have no desire to visit the dwelling of that one."

"I understand you have misgivings with the Emiya household and I cannot force you to deliver that package. If you do not assist me, then I will try to make the delivery myself." Though she said that, she did not even so much as budge or make any move toward taking the package from his hands. "But know this, that present is for Emiya from the Matou girl. And the Matou girl, Sakura, was told that we will be delivering it. If it does not arrive, then Sakura will know that we have failed to deliver it."

"I am not threatened by that feeble girl." Gilgamesh scoffed, and folded his arms. He looked away and towards the window. A snow storm. It was supposed to get worse as the day wore on. Caren just stared at him as he watched the snow hit the window. She sat patiently waiting for his next sentence, sipping her drink.

He cleared his throat, "But I suppose you do seem rather busy with other deliveries."

"Rather busy indeed."

"And it's very possible you could be delayed or even stopped by the weather."

"Very possible indeed."

"And I suppose it would be quite the bother for that girl to be disappointed with us."

"Quite the bother indeed."

"So you will be granted a favor from your king this once. If only to ensure that you do not sully my name in failure."

"Excellent!" She smiled knowingly once more. A truly calculatingly cold individual. Gilgamesh had a feeling the outcome was determined before he had even begun speaking. It seems sometimes Caren knew the future before he could so much as predict it. And he was the one who _made_ the future.


	6. Too Many Questions

"I-I-I—shut up! Don't even say it."

Sighs. "Stuttering again. You need to be more decisive. You're always too soft, especially when it comes that kid. Let's go over the plan once more. Who is the target?"

"Shi—Emiya."

"What is the obstacle?"

"Saber. And Illya. And Sakura. And _Edelfelt._ And the neighbor across the street…" Archer stared at the ceiling waiting for his master to finish. The smaller details of his previous life had always eluded him, but he was distinctly sure that he was not _this_ popular.

"…as well as the research assistant for light manipulation. And maybe Rider."

"Why do you want the target?"

"ERRRK. Well, I, of course for _those_ reasons and others. Like, I mean—it's… I-I-I—shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Quit smirking! I just haven't decided on… it's completely just a matter of…Hey, wait, what are you—"

The Tohsaka manor's front door opened. Archer stepped outside and closed it behind him. Such a troublesome master. Sometimes he wished the war had ended with a bit more blood spilled. Specifically his blood spilled, then he could leave this forsaken area.

 **The area that never evolved.**

A strange feeling. Why was everything here so… _stagnant?_ Shirou and Rin had been going to school at the Clock Tower for what felt like years. Wasn't this the fourth or fifth winter he was having with them? Celebrating the holidays together was tradition.

Somehow a tradition.

How did a tradition develop when it was only the first or second, maybe third, winter together? First or second, maybe third? Didn't he have memories of this being the fourth or fifth? How could he not know?

He thought about his circumstances. His memory was never quite right; in typical Rin fashion, her summoning had left him with an incomplete recollection of his previous life. It wouldn't surprise him if his memories were blending together. Compounded with the fact that the summoning probably left his ability to retain memories in a bad shape, it should be no mystery why something would be going wrong with his mind. Not to mention the fact that being around these people often made him lose what was left of his mind.

Maybe he just needed to clear his head, go for a walk around the town. Ah right, his master was probably furious at him shutting the door on her. He turned back around and opened the front door.

Rin had her arms folded in front of her. She stood next to a chalkboard, a mad flurry of scribbles and diagrams spread all across it. She was frustrated, her clothes and hair were in a sorry and disheveled shape. It was kind of adorable, he thought.

"Cute Archer. Very cute."

"I know." His trademark smirk on his face.

Rin ignored his remark. "However, I told you that I needed help with trying to sway Shi…err, Emiya. This isn't working, because you're worthless. So, while you were just standing around outside, I came up with a new plan. No more motivational talks. See here at section-1 part-A0. We will first be—why are you holding up your hand? Are you trying to ask a question?"

"You said part A0? As in, there are parts A1 and B0 at least?"

"Why else would I have these chalkboards behind this one? Look this plan is full proof." She turned to the chalkboard and pulled out the ones behind it. She pointed at the diagrams on the second and fifth one, while she scrutinized it for any errors. "This time I covered every single angle and all potential shortcomings. All we have to do is follow it to the letter." She stood back to admire her work. "Simple, see? Archer? You son of a…"

* * *

What a boring day, Archer thought as he walked along the sidewalk. At least his times being Alaya's lapdog weren't ever boring. Even if they were mind-shattering. The harsh winter wind blew by, and though Heroic Spirits were immune to the winter chill, and all other climate changes, Archer often changed his outfit in order to fit the area. He didn't want to stand out.

"Look mommy, that man has white hair!"

"Just keep walking. _Those guys are in bad gangs, never talk to them._ " She tried to whisper discreetly to her child. Of course, another perk to being a Heroic Spirit, his hearing, along with all other sensory sensations, was greatly enhanced. Ah well, at least he tried to fit in. Unlike—

"Yo."

"Hello Lancer."

His warm-colored Hawaiian button-up shirt and dark leather leather pants clashed badly with his blue snow-covered hair. He was softly smiling and carrying a fishing rod over his shoulder when he stopped walking and nodded at Archer.

"Boring day huh? Not too many cute girls out during the holidays, especially Christmas, always with their boyfriend or crying at home. Excitement is scarce. Sometimes you just wish something would happen. Then I remember when it did, and I'm glad it doesn't. Fishing is much better."

"Why would you go fishing in the middle of the winter?"

"Why not? If anything it's better for me. No one's around, no one to bother me with pesky statements or annoying questions about our reality."

Parents and children walked around the two Heroic Spirits. Their presence exuded strength, and instilled an unease in the last-minute shoppers. The whispers of "gangs" and "scary" continued. The sidewalk on the other side of the street was overfilled. Archer and Lancer stood nearly alone on their side. The odd camera flash every once in a while.

"Questions on our reality?"

"Yeah." Lancer didn't elaborate. And he didn't look like he would. What an odd thing to say, it was so… specific.

"Well, I can see you're thinking of something troublesome, so consider me gone. See you tonight."

Right, the Christmas party at Shirou's.

"You're definitely going then?"

"I always have. Who knows how many times now, huh?" He laughed to himself and started walking away. "Catch you later." He said over his back, waving a hand in the air without turning around. Crowds of people spread apart. They formed a bubble of distance between Lancer and anybody else.

Lancer was a man of few words, like himself. Usually their conversations never lasted very long. Lancer was also deceptively perceptive. "Who knows how many times?" Archer repeated to himself.

It was not just in his mind.

That peculiar feeling again. Lancer could tell that something was off. Lancer should know after all, considering how many times he's been killed, he should have developed a decent intuition by now.

Wait. He just mentioned that Lancer had been killed, casually in fact, as if it were the time of day.

Lancer should be dead. He should have been dead a very long time ago. He vaguely recalled various moments with Lancer that he hadn't forgotten. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.

Archer was able to recall many more memories of experiments that Rin and Illya had conducted that resulted in Lancer's death, and the destruction of towns as well the magus association and the church having to quarantine and wipe the city clean. He could recall many incidents of Rider causing catastrophes when her Pegasus was let free, as well as various other calamities that centered on Fuyuki.

But that's right. His memory was blending in again. He used to be called in to deal with catastrophes all the time, he was Humanity's janitor. And Lancer died in every Grail War he was summoned into, it would make sense why he could remember Lancer dying so many times. Lancer dying was a constant in the fifth Holy Grail war, and every other war, an unchangeable fact, like cats landing on their feet, or Taiga losing in a duel with Saber for food.

"Woah! You're like super tall! And you have like, no clue how to fit into society!"

Someone had approached him and was speaking to him while he was lost in his thoughts. Archer looked down. A child, about nine years old. Was this kid really going to try to lecture him? Did he even know what society meant?

"I mean like, full white hair, and a super dark tan. Wow. No respect for traditions. I wanna be just like you!"

Archer chuckled. This brat. If he knew what it took to be like him, if anyone knew what it took… he looked back up at the sky. It was darker, he could estimate the time from the overcast. Still a little bit of time before the party. Maybe he could humor the kid for a bit.

"What's your name brat?"

"Shinji, and I'm not a brat."

"Well brat, you want to see something really cool?"

"My mom said not to go with strangers, especially if they want to show me something really cool."

"Smart mother. Dumb kid. Funny how that works."

"Almost as funny as your hairdo."

Tch. "Here, I'll show you what's cool right here, in the street. That sit with your mother better?"

 **"** Hmm, okay. But if it's not cool enough, I'm gonna call the police and say you're being weird to me."

Archer chuckled again. "You're definitely not acting like a brat right now."

"Sarcasm on a little kid? Now you're really weird."

Fuck it. "This is called magecraft." He traced Bakura and summoned it into his hand. He pointed it at Shinji and nearly cut his nose. The kid was frozen with his mouth wide-open. Then he broke off and ran inside the shop Archer was standing in front of.

"Hey mom, mom, mom! This guy just poofed a sword out of nowhere, look, come on, come on, come on!" The kid ran back outside dragging his mother with him, he was excited beyond hope. He reached the front of the store and found nothing but the crowds of people.

Archer stood on top of a building nearby looking down at the kid. Shinji's mother was scolding him about lying, making up stories, and rushing her out of the store. Sucker.

He jumped down into a secluded alleyway and began walking to the Emiya house. The party should be starting soon.

* * *

"Faker."

"Gilgamesh."

Archer and Gilgamesh stared at one another, locked onto each other in front of the door to Emiya's house. The wind and snow had died down around them. The birds died down as well, literally. Dropping dead onto the grass from the overwhelming killing pressure emitting from the two Heroic Spirits. The overcast of clouds had spread around them, and still the sun didn't shine on that area. It became a void spot, untouched by the elements. Nature itself had tried to avoid the quiet encounter. A silence existed between the two, so intense as to press upon one's very soul.

In short, they didn't exactly find each other agreeable.

"What's with the cardboard box?" Archer's curiosity got the best of him.

"The witch. She wanted me to deliver this to Emiya."

"And you agreed?" Archer chuckled.

"Don't toy with me, faker. I'm only here due to… certain circumstances. You can count on this not occurring again. She will be swiftly punished."

"Of course. Of course. I can see you're clearly being forced against your will by the all-powerful Caren."

"Sarcasm. Faking genuineness. Perhaps the only thing that would you suit more are my blades impaling your body, if you were even worthy of laying your eyes on them."

"Don't worry, King of Heroes, I can see your blades any time I want. I just need to think about them for a second."

"A second is all you will have, faker." Gilgamesh's Gate of Babylon had begun glowing behind him, the weapons emerging from the golden wall. Archer dropped back into his battle pose, Bakuya and Kanshou in his hands.

"Woah, woah, woah. Now this is my kind of party." Lancer walked up to the two of them. Gáe Bolg was already in his hands. The battle lust in this eyes, his spear beckoning for a fight, his body tense and ready for the battle. The Hawaiian shirt blowing in the wind.

Gilgamesh's cardboard box erupted, chains emerged from within, they launched like venomous snakes towards the oldest hero who was immediately wrapped up not unlike a worm. He struggled and cursed witches, bitches, and all things Caren with all his breath while squirming on the ground.

Archer and Lancer stood in battle pose, confused and hesitant to move, before they broke into laughter rolling on the snow, a convulsion of guffaws.

Then the chains emerged again.

Lancer leaped back as the chains wrapped up Archer, coiling around him, who was just slightly too slow to react. Archer didn't bother trying to break free when he realized what had happened. It was useless if this was part of Caren's plan.

Lancer dodged the third strike of chains, the chains blasting the snow where he just leaped from. He was suspended in mid-air, mid-leap. A fourth set of chains emerged and Lancer narrowly dodged the surprise strike in the air, but unfortunately he dodged into the third set, and was struck at an odd angle. The chains slammed into his back and he landed face down into the snow. The fourth set landed on top of him and dragged into the ground, creating a man-sized hole in the snow and dirt beneath. The third set that had hit Lancer's back dove into the hole.

Archer stared blank-faced as more and more chains emerged from the box and flew down the hole. Sounds of Lancer struggling, metal clashing and bones breaking echoed out from inside the crevice while Gilgamesh continued cursing something about silver witches.

Archer leaned over the hole and even though it was nearly pitch black, his enhanced sight could pick up the limbs of Lancer torn apart at the bottom of the hole. Chains lay broken around them, some squeezed what was left of his body. Lancer was killed again.

Again? Right. Of course, it's normal that he's killed in every grail war.

But it wasn't the grail war.

That familiar feeling crept up on him. Archer remembered more now. Lancer's been killed many times, an uncountable amount of times, even to seemingly random acts that occurred long after Fifth Holy Grail War. Lancer was killed fighting with Berserker over the last chicken at the grocery store. Lancer was killed trying to fix the powerlines that were broken after Rin and Luvia's fight last Christmas. Lancer was killed trying to stop Rin and Luvia's fight last Christmas. Lancer was killed when Illya sacrificed a Heroic Spirit in order to power her growth formula. Killed. Killed. Killed.

 **So why was he here?**

In fact, didn't the grail war end nearly everybody's lives? Berserker, Assassin, Gilgamesh, Kotomine, Lancer, Caster… they all died in every single grail war. Then there were the ones who couldn't co-exist in any reality after the grail war. Rider and Sakura, with Shinji still alive? There were so many others.

How was he, himself, still here? When had he given up his goal of killing Shirou? When had the Holy Grail War been ended? How was it even ended?

"C'mon, get up." Lancer's voice shook him out of his thoughts. "Everybody's waiting for us. Rin looks pretty pissed, by the way. Not enough to make her not hot, but enough to scare me off, not that I ever had a chance. Not sure what you did, but it should be a fun night." The chains uncoiled and Archer pushed them off. Lancer helped him get back on his feet. Caren's present was a way to stop a fight from occurring. Pretty smart and deadly, very Caren-like. A rather sadistic way to stop a fight, but effective nonetheless.

Gilgamesh was already up and brushing off his clothes. He looked at Archer.

"Another time, faker." And walked through the doorway into the house without sparing another second.

Archer stared at Lancer, a questioning glare spread through Archer's eyes. Lancer stared back at Archer and then pat Archer's back. "Don't think too hard. It's not worth it." Lancer walked through the front door and out of sight. Cheers of "Lancer, you're here," could be heard from inside the household. Archer stood out in the snow.

Archer knew now that it wasn't just his memories blending in. He knew the catastrophes hadn't happened in other realities. He knew he actually had gone through a large amount of holidays with the seemingly unchanging and un-aging people of Fuyuki. And he knew he wasn't just remembering other timelines of Lancer being killed.

And now he knew, sometimes people don't die if they are killed.

* * *

Author's Note: Hopefully that last line didn't go over people's heads.

I'll probably write something lighter in tone for the next one, as I feel like these last two are a little more tense with less of the flirting of the previous ones.


	7. Shirou Tries to Help

He had quite the dilemma in his hands. Really, how can such a thing even be close to solved without hurting anyone? Leaving things the way they were. Maybe that was the safest way, but it was only temporary. Someone wouldn't be able to help themselves, eventually they would act. A delicate balancing of relationships would all come crashing down. It would just need a spark, from a single person. Then the fights begin, and the friendships end. He noticed it a while ago, even he could see how they acted around him, he wasn't that dense, the situation was clear. Someone would confess. And who could blame them?

People want to find love.

He would admit, he was possibly the absolute worst person to attempt to solve this problem. His normal method was simply to make sure no one was hurt, save for himself if need be, and then force his way at the problem. Yet, you couldn't force your way through this problem; he couldn't sacrifice himself in any way, that wouldn't solve anything. Not to mention, someone innocent was bound to be hurt, against his very principles and core beliefs. Even more… human emotion, desire and love.

He wasn't suited for it. He wasn't suited for this problem.

A bit like asking the devil the way to heaven? He was always told his thought process wasn't normal, his mindset was wrong. "That type of thinking, it's not human." Something to that effect. He couldn't solve human feelings, or even approach the subject, he was hardly human in thought.

But he wouldn't let his friends down. No matter what.

While he was content to let things lay the way they were, others weren't. It wasn't really his problem, but he couldn't turn away.

It might be crazy, but maybe the solution is to rely on others. After all, he was being relied on right now, to solve this problem. Maybe he needed advice. From those smarter than him. From those around him.

* * *

He stood outside the mansion waiting for the tenant to open the front door. He mused on how the building always looked creepy. It had a vacant feel, even though it was occupied. A dark mood, though it sat in the sun. An ominous atmosphere, while the birds happily chirped on a surprisingly sunny day in winter. Most of all, it invoked a dangerous sensation.

But that one was easy. Rin was there.

He could hear her yelling "Coming, coming, just hold on!" Then he heard crashing and curses, mutterings of "shitty floor." The door opened, Rin stood on the other side. Her hair was sticking up in every direction, she had her pajamas on, and was groggily rubbing her eyes.

"Shirou? What are you doing here so early?"

"Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah, how did you… one second."

She shut the door and he heard her run up the stairs. A massive cloud of smoke and debris blew out from the windows at the top of the manor. The house wobbly shook. It looked comical, nearly straight out of a cartoon.

The door swung open.

Rin was nearly fully dressed in her standard winter clothes and her hair done up in the usual sort of a twin tail fashion, he still wasn't really sure what to call it. Her face no longer contained bags above her cheeks, and she was no longer rubbing her eyes.

Ah, but her skirt was missing. Almost Rin, almost. Someday, you'll get these things down.

Or not.

Of course, he has seen far more of her. But even so, it was rude to stare, and he didn't feel right. He turned his head away and made a pointing motion downward, she looked at her bare legs and stopped. Not a single word was uttered between them.

The door slammed shut.

* * *

"S-so, why are you here so early?" Rin asked with a small stutter. She was just going to pretend that never happened. He wasn't that dumb, as far as he was concerned, that meant it never happened.

Rin was sitting on the couch in the living room, and he was nearby. Though it was a sunny day, the cold persisted throughout the winter. Shirou was up, trying to start a fire in her fireplace, he was placing wood in the crevice when he started talking.

"Right, well, I have this problem. Hmm. Let's say there's…" He paused.

"Go on."

"…This guy. A friend. And this friend of mine, well, he has a lot of… female friends. At first, that's all it was. Uh, friends, that is. He's spent a lot of time with each and every single of them, and he's grown close to them. Very close."

Rin covered her mouth in surprise. It was obvious who Shirou was referring too. This kind of conversation, could it be? Shirou continued, oblivious to Rin's thoughts.

"They've all spent time together, in fact, and though there were some… misgivings at first, everybody has come to, at worst, have a platonic relationship with one another. With most having a very close friendship now."

Rin squirmed in her seat, uneasily. Shirou continued placing more wood in the fireplace.

"So, for quite a while now, that type of relationship, that dynamic. It continued without interruption. There was no disruption. Everyone at least tolerated everyone else, though there was an undercurrent of tension or thinly veiled rivalry, it was still fun. If possible, I'm sure everyone would not mind if such fun times never ended." Shirou had paused and stared at the fire that slowly began growing, he blew on the small fire, hoping to speed up its growth. He could hear Rin shivering behind him.

Rin was shaking, but not out of lack of warmth. She didn't think he noticed. She would bet no one did. She was already thinking of countless ways how to approach this problem, how to solve this. Brainstorming. Her mind worked overtime.

"But though everyone probably doesn't want to end this blissful peace, they want something else even more so. They want—"

"Love." She answered automatically. Rin's mind froze after saying that, she couldn't even control herself.

"Right. And that's normal, people want to be loved, and they want _to_ love. You probably understand where I'm going with this, you're always thinking one step ahead of me. That's why I like talking to you." Shirou softly laughed while staring at the fireplace. He still hadn't turned to Rin. Her face was red, and now she was hot. The fire had nothing to do with it.

"The girls, the friends, they have grown to like him. No. That sounds like a crush, shallow. As you said, they've grown to love him." He paused once more.

Rin opened her mouth to argue, to question how sure he was of their feelings, but Shirou began again.

"He knows it. He's known it for a while. In fact, though he was the last person to find out, truthfully, it's only because he's hid it from himself all that time. He was only choosing to be dense, no one could actually be _that_ dense. And why wouldn't he? They were having so much fun together, everyone was. For someone who cares so much about everyone else, why wouldn't he want this standstill of feelings? Where everyone can be happy all at once." He took a long and deep breath.

"But he knows. Eventually a dam breaks. No wall stands forever. And people will act out of their heart's desire. Someone will confess. Someone will get hurt, likely a very large amount of them. It will all be ruined. If one of them confesses, something like a Battle Royale. It was inevitable. But only if nothing is done. If no solution is found."

Shirou turned around and locked eyes with Rin.

"What should he do?"

Rin sat there, her face was a ripe tomato. She was uncomfortably warm, and wished for nothing more than a cold shower. But Shirou was waiting.

"Well, it's obvious." She summoned up all the confidence she could hold. "He just needs to choose, before one of them does." She couldn't see any other way.

"And what if the rest are hurt by his decision anyway?"

"Too bad. That's life." She felt bad about this, but she knew, this was right. She felt it. In her heart, and more importantly, in her head. Someone was going to get hurt anyway now that he realized it. It was time to strike. "He needs to make a choice, a decision, before the rest do, and everything falls apart as they turn on each other." She paused for dramatic effect, she needed to let this sink in. Then, "Tell me about his friends, maybe I can offer a better solution with more details." She could nudge him in a favorable direction. She felt sick, and giddy. Disgusted, and hopeful. While her emotions raged, her mind was resolute.

Shirou was thinking. She could practically read his mind sometimes, he was thinking of how to phrase things so as not to give himself away, though it was painfully obvious who he was talking about. It took the edge off her for a moment. This was too cute.

"I see. I'll give the descriptions from what I know of them, and from what he told me. I suppose I'll start with the strangest members first. His seemingly younger sister is in love with him, though truthfully she's wise beyond her appearance. She's… bossy, overprotective, controlling, and somewhat mean spirited. But she's also sweet, kind, and loving, when she wants to be. She means well, most of the time, though she has a tendency to insult or berate him and others. She's also not blood-related to him." Rin facepalmed. He's not even hiding it, why continue the facade at all?

"Definitely not a good choice. A sister would be… well even not blood related, that's strange. And a younger one? Would it not look like he was taking advantage of her? Absolutely no. No. No. No. Everyone would surely be offended if such a choice was made. Refuse that one above all else." Rin shook her head. Of all the choices, that was the worst.

"Yeah, it's as I figured. That one I would not advise to my friend either." Shirou sat on the left-side edge of the couch. Rin subtly moved closer.

"Who else is there?"

"Well, the next strangest, I suppose, would be the mystical figure that's lived long ago. Maybe she should have been first? Anyway, she's a foreigner, really. Blonde hair, vivid eyes, without a doubt, a foreigner. But also from another time, and this time. She's very powerful, and quite prideful. Her and him, they grew close during a time of conflict. Forced to work together against a mutual enemy, their meeting was nearly by pure chance; only a fluke and peculiarity about him caused the encounter." Rin scooted closer again. "She's smart and very knowledgeable, though she tends to do what she wants, ultimately making her own choices, while listening to others."

Rin already knew he was talking about Saber, of course. Who else? How to spin this? "Hmm, she seems like she has a strong will, and a tough personality. I believe, if any choice was made, she would be the least affected by it. Not because she lacks desire, but more because she seems able to understand the circumstance. In the interest of trying to preserve the most amount of joy left in the web of friends, it would be wise not to date her. She would be more accepting of other relationships, and thus more… okay with being turned down. Likely wouldn't cause as large a problem being rejected."

"Hmm. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I'll remember that. I can always count on you." Shirou sighed, relieved. Tohsaka really was a genius. A true genius. Relying on her was the best choice. Rin was blushing lightly, but she couldn't clam up now.

"There were more right?" Rin prodded.

"Right. Next would be the friend with glasses." Rider. Rin knew right away, she was perhaps the most dangerous one. A dark-horse candidate, if you will. "She had actually originally worked for someone else, or rather, she worked under a darker purpose, but she's since no longer actively pursuing that. Or at least, she doesn't need to, at least about him anymore. She's… wise. Very mature, and dangerously attractive. She's calm and cool, but fiercely protective of her job, and would never dream of stepping on those toes of who she works for."

"This one is obvious as well. She's mature, you said, right? If so, then she's already known the situation probably the longest of them all. I'm not sure she would hold out hope for a resolution in her favor, let alone desire one. She's likely enjoying the moment, and may even have the sane wish as you—err, him." She made a mistake. Shirou wasn't responding.

Rin started sweating. He still wasn't moving much, he only bored through her eyes with his stare. The eye contact. It was creating a tense environment. He looked like he was deep in thought, it nearly made her jump every time he so much as budged an inch. Such pressure and tension, it was scary, strained... hot. The danger. Could he possibly be playing with her now? Had he noticed her slip-up? Was he thinking of how to proceed? Would he throw the pretense out the window? Would he just reach over already? And bury her face in the couch, pulling down her skirt and—

"You're right, she and he share similar goals. They must!" He slammed his fist in his palm and looked at the fire. Rin was right again. The mature one, of course she had already given up long ago. He had to think about her reasoning for a bit, but it was solid. No doubt.

At this rate, he could easily make the choice.

Rin let out breath she hadn't even realized she was holding in. That cold shower sounded better and better. But she was near the finish line. Shirou just needed a closer, and he shouldn't have many choices left. She was so close, in more ways than one. She scooted right up to him, his side was touching her.

He turned his head away from the fire, facing Rin. She forced herself not to gasp. She needed to appear like it was perfectly normal to be this close. This was the future after all, her future, and his, right?

"Okay. Finally are the two sisters." Herself and Sakura. Strange, he didn't even consider Luvia. Maybe Shirou wasn't _that_ dumb after all. "When thinking about their personalities, you wouldn't be able to guess they were related. The first was outwardly kind and sweet. She was a busy-body, and constantly tried to take care of him. She's a maid. She even, annoyingly, tried to make food for him, though he would prefer she didn't. Gentle. The best way to describe her was gentle. Though she had a darker side, a monstrously darker side, such a thing was… almost part of her charm."

"And the other sister?" She ran her hand up his arm, coaxing the answer out of him.

"The other is… abrasive." Rin's forehead twitched, but she continued stroking his arm. "This sister was not outwardly sweet. She was harsher, and spoke with more weight in her words. She didn't make meaningless small talk, and she was more concerned with lecturing him, helping him grow, rather than being concerned with him over everything. But really, she was even gentler. She tried to hide it, but it was obvious to him, she had a maiden's heart all along. She deeply cared for him. She's not good with handling her emotions, like him, they were both somewhat broken by their past. While he is more blunt and straightforward, she has problems expressing herself, even though she appears more confident, if reserved." Shirou finished. As far as he knew, that described the people as best as he could.

Rin sat contemplating how to solve this. Sakura would be devastated. Maybe, it was okay to let Shirou be with Sakura. After all, she could still see him. And maybe even Sakura would be open to some kind of… open relationship? No. She knew that type of situation, it didn't really solve anything. They couldn't share him, and Rin wouldn't let him go. She had to steel her resolve. She stared down Shirou, her look dared him to turn away.

"The first sister, she's not truly in love. While the rest may have some claim to love, hers is a case of infatuation. She cares for him, but really, that's because she likes caring for him, not because she loves him. Classic case of over-reading. While it seems dismissive to just brush aside her, it's necessary. The second, is f-fragile." Rin stuttered. Shit. Her voice was getting softer. Her pulse started racing. This was going to be more difficult than she thought. "She's n-needy. It's obvious from what you said. She's more alone than the rest, a tough exterior but ultimately an emotional wreck." Her breathing was getting heavier, increasing in pace. Shirou leaned closer. Rin couldn't help it, she gasped when he leaned in. She forced herself to continue, with an even softer and gentler voice. "She needs him more than anyone else, and would be hurt the most if he turned away. You can't do that. Don't do that. Please." This time, Shirou gasped. He knew now. She broke character. But she didn't care. She was leaning forward while he was already leaned into her. She closed her eyes and then, she closed the gap. Their lips finally met.

Or they should have. She hit the couch. Her face in between the cushions. She pulled her head out from between the couch cushions. Shirou was on his feet. His face screamed victory. He knew what to do now. Even though he couldn't make out her words very clearly. He even had to lean into her to catch what she was saying. Her breath was too loud, she was shaking and stuttering, likely from the cold. The fire was dying down after all. He put some more wood in there and blew on the fire. Rin sat staring at him, confused beyond belief. He turned around and leaned in again, he kissed her on the cheek.

"Thanks again Rin, I know what to do now. You're the best, definitely the best friend I've ever had."

He gave her a thumbs up, checked the fireplace once again, and then he dashed out the door.

Rin sat rooted on the couch. Her bewildered facial expression drilled onto her face. Michelangelo himself would be green with envy that such a god of sculpting had so easily outclassed his finest work, the only thing off was the dead look in her eyes.

* * *

Shirou was at home, in Fuyuki. He had raced home once he figured out what to do. Rin made it obvious what needed to happen, and who needed to be asked out.

The harsher of the two sisters.

He picked up his phone and dialed the number.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Hello, this is the Tohno residence."

"Hey, this is Shirou. Shiki is that you?!" He practically yelled into the phone.

"Oh god, Shirou. You figured it out then?! Do you know how I can get out of this?!" Shiki Tohno was ecstatic. He couldn't contain himself.

"Yeah, I had some help, but it's all good now. It's simple, you just need to..."

* * *

Author's Note: Tsukihime reference, if you don't know who Shiki Tohno is. Almost made this a separate one-shot fic, because it's sort of a cross-over.


End file.
